Since deciding to address the root of my insecurities, my life has taken an added step of flipping upside down. Jane has been suffering from MASSIVE migraines and we aren’t sure what’s been going wrong. And with this… it’s also brought up ANOTHER set of insecurities and/or jealousy that I’ve been trying to face: When Jane hurts… I’m not the only one that she turns too for comfort anymore. But there is ONE more layer that we’re going to talk about today… False Interpretations.
I’m a fucking bonehead.
When I took Jane to the hospital the first time her headache was too much to handle, she was in so much pain. It was bad, and I was worried (as I normally am when she gets REALLY sick because she’s an extremely strong woman with an equally strong pain tolerance). I look to my right as I’m driving and saw what appeared to be Jane chatting with Rose. And I instantly got agitated. You see, this is the first time that I felt I was experiencing my wife checking in with her other partner… letting her know she was okay but that we were going to the hospital, etc. And I didn’t know how to feel about it. But the emotions of being worried for Jane’s well being mixed with my insecurities that I was no longer the only one she would need to check in with… was a mixture for something, at that moment, that was not good. And I felt like a jackass too because while Jane was dealing with her illness, she also could see the emotion on my sleeve… and asked me about it. I personally feel that she shouldn’t have to deal with my emotional issues while she’s got an IV going and at the same time trying to calm a rager of a headache. But she muscled through and did anyway. Continue reading →