Tag Archives: loss

Depression is my Super Power…

Well, there ya have it. I could just leave it at this… and only this, because the title sums it up. Consider it your TL/DR (Too Long/Didn’t Read) summary because this one. If what’s in my brain ends up fleshed out on this post, it’s going to be a long one. Depression is a relentless motherfucker, that I have denied I’m suffering over and over. I lie to myself. Tell myself that “I’m fine… just feeling a bit down, that’s all” again and again. I can keep telling myself that until I’m blue in the face, and nothing would change the fact that I’m dealing with a metric shit ton of issues. I hate it. I thought that I could handle it. I thought that life was easy for me to tackle; that depression is not something I, of all people, would need to deal with, but isn’t that really part of it? Denial to a degree? I’ve been dealing with the need and want to get better, but something seems to always get in the way of it. Whether it’s something from my past that creeps up, or the reminder of something heinous that I’ve done… it makes me feel remarkably terrible.

Jane here. Hi! Nice to meet you to start with. Joe asked me to co-author this post with him. So, here I am! He is done writing this article by now, and asked me to go through and add in what I felt needed added 🙂 Ready? Good! Me too!

Ok, I have to say that you, Joe, have never done a heinous thing in your life! Seriously. Annoying? Sure. Bad? Maybe. Ridiculous? Definitely. Heinous? Never.

Oh I know this seems like it’s a self loathing post, and perhaps in a way it is. But there’s some shit I just need to say otherwise I may not be able to face it. We don’t have the time nor the funds for a therapist so, this is my outlet. So forgive me if this gets a bit… raw. I just need to say it. Thanks for listening in advance.

I’m going to work my way backwards… starting with the most recent reason for self deprecation right off the bat. Continue reading →

Upgrading My Emotional Firmware…

For those of you that look at the title of this post and are thoroughly confused, I apologize. I’m an IT Technician and this is how I think… quite often actually. Essentially, with everything that has happened in the last 3 – 4 months, I find that it’s time for me to really upgrade the base functioning software for my brain…

Jane’s first relationship (I put it in quotes because it was a long distance deal… and Rose is all the way across the country) with a woman… is pretty much over. For those of you MonoMinded folks out there that are going through the same struggles as I am are possibly saying “Hey?! Isn’t this… what you wanted? Isn’t this… you know… ideal? To get things back to how they where?” and I would say to you… NOOOOPE

Watching your spouse deal with anything that makes them sad can be a challenging thing. Your automatic response is to console and make things right. You want to take the pain away… ease the hurt… In typical situations, you, as the spouse, are the go to… the one that can console them… but what happens when you have to help your spouse through a breakup? Continue reading →

The Root Of My Issues

Alright…this is going to be a tough ‘series’ to write. The reason I call it a series is there are going to be a number of posts that revolve around this. I’m going to preface all of these with one simple thing:

These posts aren’t necessarily going to relate to everyone but it is simply therapy for me to get it all out. A way to let it go… so sorry if this doesn’t help you but I will say that any support given is much appreciated.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, lets get into the thick of it. My insecurities are something that claw their way to the surface about every other day (if not every day) in a different incarnation. Jane will do or say something innocent or bring Rose up and I either get distant, quiet, morose or some nights… well… some nights I fall into a heap and just cry. And I think I’m realizing that this new thing.. this new lifestyle is actually making me face myself. Myself and my past. Continue reading →

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