Not going to be a long post… but I think I’m going to at the very least keep the blog up. At the beginning of the postings, there were people that seemed to relate and/or garner help from it… but things… have changed.
Well, Jane and Rose had a falling out of sorts. Well.. Rose left Jane high and dry. Jane is dealing with depression… fuck it, I’M dealing with depression. See.. Jane is feeling VERY strongly about her feelings/attractions to women. So much so that I’ve discussed/asked her if she’s more lesbian than anything. So we have a bunch of different emotions to go through.
But this… I just can’t keep writing. I’m writing this to try and give myself a way to vent… but all that happens is I get deeper into my depression. So I don’t know what to do really, other than… stop posting. So.. I guess.. there ya have it! Maybe I’ll come back, maybe I won’t… not sure… but until then…
Well, there ya have it. I could just leave it at this… and only this, because the title sums it up. Consider it your TL/DR (Too Long/Didn’t Read) summary because this one. If what’s in my brain ends up fleshed out on this post, it’s going to be a long one. Depression is a relentless motherfucker, that I have denied I’m suffering over and over. I lie to myself. Tell myself that “I’m fine… just feeling a bit down, that’s all” again and again. I can keep telling myself that until I’m blue in the face, and nothing would change the fact that I’m dealing with a metric shit ton of issues. I hate it. I thought that I could handle it. I thought that life was easy for me to tackle; that depression is not something I, of all people, would need to deal with, but isn’t that really part of it? Denial to a degree? I’ve been dealing with the need and want to get better, but something seems to always get in the way of it. Whether it’s something from my past that creeps up, or the reminder of something heinous that I’ve done… it makes me feel remarkably terrible.
Jane here. Hi! Nice to meet you to start with. Joe asked me to co-author this post with him. So, here I am! He is done writing this article by now, and asked me to go through and add in what I felt needed added 🙂 Ready? Good! Me too!
Ok, I have to say that you, Joe, have never done a heinous thing in your life! Seriously. Annoying? Sure. Bad? Maybe. Ridiculous? Definitely. Heinous? Never.
Oh I know this seems like it’s a self loathing post, and perhaps in a way it is. But there’s some shit I just need to say otherwise I may not be able to face it. We don’t have the time nor the funds for a therapist so, this is my outlet. So forgive me if this gets a bit… raw. I just need to say it. Thanks for listening in advance.
I’m going to work my way backwards… starting with the most recent reason for self deprecation right off the bat. Continue reading →