My kids sit and eat their dinner that I’ve thrown together as Jane is currently Skyping with her (our) long distance… Um… Not sure what to call her? Is she a girlfriend? Friend with Benefit? I have no goddamn clue how to define it but there’s something there. We’ll call her Rose. Rose is on the cusp of a major life change and has taken a fucking HUGE leap of faith that Jane and I couldn’t be prouder of. And while she’s away on her trip, it’s proven to be exhausting both physically and mentally. I know that Jane has a humongous heart and for me, she always has the right things to say to bring someone around. Jane, I know you read this as well so, whether I show it properly, you help me more than you know and it’s starting to show with the other people you’ve been able to reach out to. So be proud. Because the thing you’ve always wanted to do… help people… has finally come to fruition.
Rose is on the last leg of her trip and, though I’m not fully involved in the conversation at this point, it seems like she’s just… tired and unsure. So, while weekends for the most part are incredibly important to me as I’m not at work and can be here all day… I knew that Jane needed to reach out. And I was hoping beyond hope that Rose would accept the offer. And she did!
I know most men in my position, especially those that may have issues of self worth and insecurities would look at me like I’m either a fool or worse for facilitating this conversation… but I thumb my chin at them (is that a thing?). Something that I’ve learned over the time that Jane and I have been married is that you really need to let your love show through sacrifice and compassion for situations that others are going through. If this is truly a “poly” situation for Jane, this is more than just sexual… there is concern and true worry for her (potential) partner. And I’ve seen her act this way when I was going through things. Shit… I’m going through my own shit right now and she’s there for me with so much fervor that I can’t possibly show her properly how I feel. And honestly, I’m happy that Rose has her as an ear… speaking of which…
Being that Jane and I have discussed this new adventure in our life, and my wishes are that we do this as a couple, and hopefully as a “triad” down the line with whomever we bring into our lives (Rose currently), I have to admit, I do love Rose too. We’ve known each other for a fucking dogs age and she does mean something to me. I know the situation is slightly different for Jane but that doesn’t change how I feel too. Right now, I pass my sentiments and support through Jane… this is something Jane needs to do for her development. But I also know that Rose reads this too so… this parts for her (and any other “Third” that is in a couple really…)
Rose, what you’re attempting to do is phenomenal.. and I want you to know that, though nothing is (or perhaps even “can” be) official, but I’ve already told Jane that I feel like I’ve become a little protective of you as well. So I want you to succeed, and I want what you and Jane are developing to be so beneficial to both of your well beings.
While they are talking, I sent Rose a text.. said I hope her and Jane were having a good conversation. She said they were and that she was so thankful for setting up the conversation and allowing the time. I said in response “Anything for my girls… if I can say that…” She responded with a “You absolutely can”.
I am finding it interesting that I’m coming to the conclusion that I love both of these women. I want to take care of them. This one, under my roof for the last 10+ years is always going to be my first love. My true… best friend. One that has NEVER turned her back on me through some of the most bizarre shit (the stories.. good god). And now, this woman that I have known for years, but I’m developing a bond with… whether directly or via proxy with Jane… I… I’m going to do whatever I can to let both of them know that, though I have my insecurities and jealous issues occasionally… they have a strong man that is there to protect them and love them unconditionally. And I always will.
Hope that wasn’t too chauvinistic… because I’m not “that guy”. I’m just a guy coming to terms with the fact that… while he may be insecure… he’s incredibly lucky for what’s happening in his life.